Saying Hello and Goodbye

"Guess what? First child due in Sept, " The message said. I am happy.

A photograph of a girl from long ago grown up before us now on facebook displaying her proud bump.

Another picture, the cake says "cut to find out what the baby will be" , Blue cake and proud papa's and daddy's smiling wide. Finally a boy!

A picture via text of a mom with her newborn. Home from the hospital with a child not of her blood. Faith made sight. A name is given and praise goes out to the Creator of all life. My heart feels like it's gonna explode. A mother recovering at home after abdomen cut, with arms empty.

Mothers in prayer for their kids. Tears for the hard, hands for help. Scripture for life. Friendship for the journey.

A hug from a student, moving to Texas. Last lesson.

Prayer for our neighbor. Ready to spread wings and fly to Nepal. Called to serve away from us.

I finally see Michael's Goodbye on the Office from last year.

That was my day.

Tears following a phone call. He died during the night. Oh how my friend loved her daddy. No more conversations, no more trips to grandpa's, no more Christmas' or dinners out. An abrupt end. I hurt for my friend.

Three new princess for my friend's home. Sisters together after months apart. Caring for the least of these. Pictures of fairytale plays and dancing to the praise music. God is good.

I try and hide tears during a lesson." I have to work and let some things go. I don't know how to tell you. " says the boy becoming man. We had a date every week for 7 years to make music, how could I not tear up at the end? I have taught and loved and pushed and watched and applauded....and I must say goodbye ?

I hold a hand of another mother as she tears up, waves of grief from the loss of a mother. There are no answers only childlike faith from long blond haired girls that seem to know nana's ok in heaven with all those who have died before.

That was my week,  so far....

We are always saying hello and goodbye. People come, people go. This is life. Yet the realization brings no less hurt.

I have to come to believe loving means letting go.

To love your child is said to be like having your heart pulled out of you and walking around, and eventually walking away. As soon as we are born we are destined to die. It is fact. The time between, that's our lives. The people we love along the way are gifts. But we will at some point have to let them go.

Loving means letting them grow up.

Loving means trusting God when fears rise and they are half a world away.

Loving means letting them leave this world.

We are still called to love. Hurting is just part of the process.

Tis better to have loved and lost that to have never loved at all.
- Lord Alfred Tennyson

What ya see when you turn the TV off

I held my ground. 

No TV. Not today. There's more to life. 

Go find it. 

It wasn't 5 min. later. 

MOM! look....

Amazing things are all around us. 

But we are too busy wasting time on lesser things. 

This lead to the all important phone call to tell Granny. 

Granny loves birds. 

And to think, we could've missed the gift that had landed right in our front yard and the extra gift of a phone conversation with our beloved Granny. 

Alive and alert to all the gifts, 

the totegirl

If I were...

If I were 4 I'd be doing this...

every day....

If I were a teenager I'd be doing this...

as much as I possible could..

If I were in my 20's I'd be doing this....

for as long as I could...

But I am not 4, 16 or 23...

those years have come and gone for me...

And this is my life...

(shopping and couponing, try and ignore the massive amt of nyquil)

Glamorous isn't it?

I am 34 in case you forgot. 

And I am right where I am supposed to be.
Don't always feel it, I choose to believe it.

acts 17
²⁶ From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. ²⁷ God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. ²⁸ ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ 

Ephesians 2
¹⁰ For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

What's in the book bag....

Ah.... the word book bag means something so totally different for me than a lot of my friends. I like to hang out with younger people still in school and I have several friends in college and some going back to school, working full time and mothering....God give 'em strength- that's hard!

For whatever reason I have been reading like crazy recently. So here's what's in the bag...

I am also listening to the Bible on my smart phone too, usually during commutes- our small group is reading through the Bible this year together.

This isn't a true "read" it's a Bible Study but there is more reading in this study than her other ones, none the less this one is changing me...if I let it....some days are easier than others but James is packed full of proverb like verses on how to live out your faith.

The beginning of the year found me in this...

Oh my, do I love Ann. I will say it takes a while to get used to her writing style, and there's so much depth to it you have to read slow. It's a cross between a story of her life and the spiritual discipline of giving thanks. I will be referencing it for awhile.

My dearest friend and I finished our book at the end of January (more later) and I decided to read the only other book like ours on the market....

I LOVE a true story. I am glad I didn't read it before we felt the call to write our own story because she does such a good job I wouldn't have thought we should not write. An excellent read even if you've never lost a child. Many of our fellow human beings have and it's just nice to acknowledge their pain even when we can't change their reality.


Then I read this right around Valentines....

The only fiction I've read, Kingsbury is often predictable, but very modern and a quick read. Several years ago I started the REdemption Series. I read all 14 books in 3 months. Since then she's done 2 more series and this is the third book in the Bailey series. I'd love to sit and talk to anyone who's read it, there's one more book due out end of the month and I have so many ideas as to how this epic love story is going to end....

After that I picked up this one night....

One of the ladies that proof read my book suggested it. WOW.  James McBride grew up as the 8th son of Ruth McBride JOrdan. She was a Russian immigrant and grew up Orthodox Jewish in Sulfolk, VA in the 30's. Her story and her son's (growing up with 11 brothers and sisters after losing their dad to cancer with mixed race in the climax of the American civil rights movement) are told simultaneously. What I didn't expect was the faith aspect that was clearly how they survived. 

I LOVE a true story where Jesus gets made to be the hero.

And lastly I finished this just last night ...

From a friend at church. NOT DISAPPOINTING!! So glad I read it before seeing the movie. The book is their story of a God ordained courtship, real tragedy and the real people who God used to help them keep their original vows when she lost every memory of her husband but not her faith. Somehow I doubt all that makes it to the big screen. The reviews of the movie don't look good and Channing Tatum was terribly disappointing in Dear John (Nicolas Sparks book) 2 years ago. But the book!! Read it in one evening, LOVED the fact that they are from the same decade that I fell in love, their 2nd wedding was same summer as my own. When you are falling in love  you are kinda tuned out to everything else going on in the world. It amazes me that I missed this story that year.

 I was also in college at the time carting around the purple high sierra back pack with books I didn't want to read. I have never, not once regretted getting a bachelor's degree.

 For those still adding books to the pile of want-to-reads hang in there. There is a season for everything. 

Romance

According to the Eldridge's it's one of woman's 3 deepest desires. 

I could try and deny it but so far at 34 years of age, 
I've found the desire for romance doesn't go away....

I told Mr. Incredible several days before Valentine's I wanted a little more romance...

Then on VDay I found this...

Well it was actually the 15th before I found it, 

he had strategically placed it for a surprise in our cup cabinet. 

I wasn't quite sure what it meant. Or what he meant by it. 

I fought the trend to over analyze it all and just enjoyed it...

A gift,

From a guy who's still crazy 'bout me,

Pretty colors,

That'll be filled with good sips,

Around people I love and are learning to love.

And as for romance...this is what it means to me...

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

by Phil Wickham

Lord know's I've tried to met the desire with everything under the sun, but it's the SON that satisfies- everytime...

"a man" that not only laid his life down for me, 

but shows his love for me in a thousand little ways everyday

the satisfaction he brings

frees

 me to really love those around me

Learning to be loved,

totegirl 

The Music Man and the Face of the Loved

So proud.... (Doug Finley, student, on the far right)

Cody and I went to opening night of The Music Man in Duncan Friday.

I had never seen the show before and loved the storyline. The heroine is played by a friend, Sarah Adkins, (on right) (my friend Leigh McEntire is on the left, she played Sarah's mother with a cute Irish accent :)

I couldn't help but notice the obvious costume change between acts...

 but also Sarah's countenance during the show as she falls in love with her suitor the conman/salesman Prof. Harold Hill. 

She gave a fantastic performance.

She's in blue, left front.

Love changes everything. 


Especially our countenance. 

Ephesians 5:25-28

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.  

Part of the Journey

Many moons ago I bought this tshirt. 

It's been one of my favorites. 

I wear it often. 

This crazy couple were selling them. 

They heard God speak about something he wanted them to do.

To open their hearts to another child. 

One not of their blood. 

One not of their country. 

I have prayed for them.

Followed their posts.

And smiled when I finally saw this one...

We are coming home!!! All THREE of us!!!  Cant wait to see all your smiling faces at 

the airport--it's going to be a great celebration!!! Only God could do this!!

They have a story to tell. 

Of obeying despite the cost.

Of counting it all JOY (James 1:2)

Of finding wisdom (James 1:5)

Of a life worth fighting for.

Of blessings you didn't know where even there.

I can't wait to hear it, I am so glad I didn't miss my part in their journey. 

Home is such a nice word.