The walk you shouldn't have to take

Awaken to a new day beside the love of my life.  Whispered prayers of gratitude.


Breakfast and lunches made, see you later and instructions, the drop off of school kids...


I Had a Heavy heart for this day held a funeral. 


A goodbye. 


The living mourning the dead. 


A realm beyond our reach. 


A walk no mother should ever have to take. 


Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted


Exercise. Movement. Praise. Hands lifted in hopes of His kingdom come. Shower & clothes...


What do you wear to bury a baby? 


There are colors you don't wear and in the end black was all that seemed appropriate. 


A short, quiet drive alone to a new cemetery. Monuments of grey with dashes of bright colors adorn this resting ground. 


Sorrow & resign. 


Hands crossed shielding the cool breeze, a multitude of cars and people. Sounds of a young toddler crying. A lone walk to the place. 


A gathering of friends and family. Forced smiles and tears. Teachers, coaches, the young, the old...the other mothers....those who knew this degree of loss, this walk a mother shouldn't have to take.


Words Spoken from the Bible. Prayer....

New green weeds peeking out beneath brown grass- the dead and the emerging...a cycle, hope that that which dies will resurrect in time. Spring is coming. Resurrection is coming. 

And that is why it hurts so bad. This walk on earth's soil. We were meant for eternity. It has been placed in our hearts. That's why funerals are avoid and death is not mentioned. Why our tears flow and the hurt runs so deep. It wasn't supposed to be this way. 


Genesis 2:16
And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”


But they believed the liar's lie. Death came. And as death came, Jesus' fate was sealed, a way must be made for life....



Romans 6:23
 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.


Tears rolling down my face I look to my neighbors....we cheer on our Comets, we fight the fires, we help rebuild, we wave when we pass....what a comfort to know you are not alone. 


Revelation 14:13 
Then I heard a voice from heaven say, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.”


How can such sorrow know blessing? How can such pain ever heal? How can one ever quit crying? Who knows the plan? 

Isaiah 65:20 

No longer will babies die when only a few days old. 

"Come ye sinners, weak and wounded...In the arms of our dear savior, oh there are 10,000 charms...."

Charms? Remembrances....Every tear, every pain, every hurt...

Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
 ⁴ Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering


In him there is life, in him there is healing. IN HIM.

Luke 11:35-36

Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

I have not walked this bitter road. But the Holy Spirit within me has and perhaps that is why I feel it so deep. He mourned because he loved. I cry because I love. 

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" 

- Alfred Tennyson 

Babies

There are 6 kids in my home at the moment and I am fixing them cookie monsters. It's glorious chaos. They are here and alive and talkative and moving in 6 different directions but I love children and I love to feed them even more.

I put my hand in my pocket and feel a soft tissue. And I am reminded of the visit I had to make an hour earlier. Someone's world has been turned upside down and I wanted to go and let her know she is not alone.

That this news came on Becky's 35th birthday can't be coincidental.

I sat with a mourning mother for an hour or so. Too long? Not long enough? Who knows. When your baby has been ripped from your hands there are no words, no end to the depth of grief you feel and no foreseeable end to the pain.

She held his blanket, his onesies and burp rags. The tears falling amongst occasional smiles over a grandpa playing playdo with his granddaughters feet away.

Silence. Pictures. Hushed questions. No answers. None. No words. The spin going so fast you want to throw up. You beg off but it won't stop. Wave upon wave of grief.

In circumstances I defer to experience. 3 years before I sat relinquishing all hope of a miracle for Becky's baby to be healed. We gave her body to the Lord in a sweet offering. We know her spirit is alive and well waiting on us till we're reunited. All because of the blood of Jesus Christ and our faith in him.

4 babies have gone ahead this year. 4. Odd for this day in age. In 15 years of ministry we haven't buried more than 5 babies - this year 4!

It's time to tell a story. Our story. The details of friendship, faith, providence, petitions and pain. And the hope that while things are never the same after your world begins to spin out of control we are given promises. And we can lean on those when the waves of sorrow come rolling in.

to be continued......

A Visit with a close friend...who has new and trendy diaper bags

Well I am happy to write about Becky's diaper bag because I am no longer in need of a diaper bag! Yes due to wonderful visual training via the Loving Family dolls, I am happy to report the sweet 2 year old is potty trained (day time only). Yea! Calicema, we did it, (Dora reference there)

We are no longer tote around half our house, not that I am still doing that with the third child- that would be unheard of. I just leave it all in the car.

So Becky and her cool bag....She got it in Cali, where all the cool people live...she got it for Christmas and I must say it's very chic.



Perfect combination of boy mom coolness, don't you think? Becky rocks in the blingbling dept. Always has. Becky and I go way back. I mean way back. I found this photo a couple of months ago at my parents...



We are front and center and apparently this was 1982's version of Laurie Berkner and we are entranced in guitar fun, or about to be. She seems to be pointing us in the right direction.



Here we are again having a party of some sort a little later in life, when charm necklaces were demanding our attention and weighing us down. My goodness. I loved that necklace, wished I still had it. Glad a have this photo of it, I'd forgotten the details of it. Anyway I needed to post these photos for Becky- I forgot to show her when we were together. I have many more featuring bling in the late 80's early 90's but I will save her...



On with the diaper bag- this thing was too cool, check out the mini bag attached on the side for the paci's . The paci bag- I love it. I never knew about those 2 years ago, not that she took a paci for very long but wouldn't that make the cutest gift. A paci tote :)



Here's his monogrammed bag- very cute too. They were heading home to Cali the day we saw them in NW Arkansas. We saw them a year before but this cute little baldy was with them and since I am in a terrible baby-missing mood I couldn't pass up the opportunity to hold him.




"You want me?"

I love him, still little enough to hold- he was perfect. Becky's a wonderful mom, we've already raised 4 older kids between us. We are both on to the bonus children.



Speaking of bonuses- here ours is holding hands with Levi. She loved him too.




And later in the day we saw what else this cool bag does, unzips in the front to make a changing pad. Way cool I tell ya. Sorry I have no other info than that.

I could tell you about how we managed to find our way to shopping during the day (even with all those children), ate fast food twice in one day, drove 4.5 hours home that night, or how blessed I feel to have Becky in my life as a confidant and friend. And all that would be true but I choose to leave you with visions of sugar plums and eye candy from Becky's sis-in-law's home. And I have been dreaming all day about how to put more color into my home....