Saturday, April 7, 2012

I love Jesus more

I fasted for lent this year. First time. I was raised in grace, lent wasn't something we did. Fasting yes, but lent no. Dad fasts quite a bit. I used to fast when I wanted to lose weight. (and I wondered why it never worked?)

It was confirmed several times. So I made the Easter, or the end of lent, or passover, I was slightly confused. Thank goodness for google.

Born a gentile. Raised under grace. Lots of grace. I love the grace. Named a kid after the grace.

Thank goodness for the grace, tried to lead the Wed. night girls through the Seder/Passover Service. I will not disclose the animal name in which the bone came from. I am no professional at this. As Katie said 2 weeks ago while talking our way through Deuteronomy, "I would've been stoned by now". Grace is a beautiful thing.  I am studier of the law not a slave.

So lent. A time of fasting from something. What do I love? Coffee.

But I love Jesus more. 

So coffee it was.

First week was rough. But I love Jesus more. I wanted to want him more than coffee.

I have lived the truth...anything we can't hold to loosely we make the idol....anything we can't live without.....something we hide when he comes asking for it's surrender.....

So I would smell it, enjoy the fact that others were enjoying it, linger on the coffee aisle in the store, stock pile for when I could enjoy it again.

That's what I've learned. Rarely does God want to deny us good things forever, he just wants us to want him more.

Every time I'd think, "man, coffee would be excellent right now", I'd thank God for his sacrifice of Jesus, thank him for speaking to me, thank him for helping me SEE things. I'd thank him for making all things new, for hope, for healing. You get the idea...the desire for the thing prompted me to thank God.

So again I google...End of lent.....turns out it's not a set thing.

I wanted ceremony for the end.....

A Sunrise Easter Service....just me and God. A throw back to my childhood at Open Door Bible Fellowship.

That's me sitting on the front row with that fur draped over me. I was 8. Fake fur was in. We were building a building. I grew up under those pine trees in the back. They are gone now and so is childhood. For better or for worse.

I google sunrise times. 6:29am

It was really dark at 6:29am, usually it's a little lighter before sunrise.

Google again...Central time sunrise...

Ah that's better. 7:29am

Babies asleep, husband gone, I must stay near by. The backyard will do.

I read, I pray...

For the nations. (Countries of the World, do index for an alphabetical list)

For the lost.

For my friend, I've learned got "make-ya-mad" news last night.

For my babies who need a momma to be momma not superhero.

There it is. The Heaven's declare....

I never get over the sheer beauty of the sun. Faithfully rising everyday. A reminder, HE doesn't forget. And neither should I , HE is coming back one day.

I remember the grace. I taste sweetness on my lips. He is good. He is God and I am not. He is worth the wait. He is worth anything I must give up. I love Jesus more.


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